Vinny La’Limousine, aka Ottawa Vinny, offered to gift me a stretch limo.
He didn’t realize he had already given me the greatest gift of all.
Transcript:
I love my family. I’ve been married over 30 years and they’re the only thing that’s really important to me. And yes, it’s true. I was arrested for a domestic allegation at my homeless past week, and that’s all I can really say about things right now. It has to work its way through the legal system, but I thought you should hear it from me and your good thoughts are appreciated. But it’s Christmas. It’s a time for family and friends. Companionship is the greatest gift of all. Lonely being worst than hungry. So in the spirit of the holiday, I want to show you how I made a brand new friend this year all the way up in Canada. Vinny De Canada’s real cool. They speak French there. They use kilometers and they got a cool dude named Vinny. A real OG wants to give me a stretch limo Cadillac.
I got a pretty sweet limo here at Drivable back to Detroit and everything you wanted even have it. It looks like a rolling cat house inside.
No, I never met Vinny. Don’t know him, but I know Cadillacs and for free, I like free. So Byron and I make the 500 miles to Ottawa. I haven’t been to Canada since COD. I’ve been Union Station in Toronto. Here’s what I know so far. Gas is outrageously expensive. Traffic is horrible and I’m going to be driving a stretch limit 500 miles. It’s been sitting in the garage for three years. Vinny’s been texting me for months that things already to roll. He says mint condition. Remember? But now that I’m on the way, Vinny starts dropping some foreboding little hints. I just got a text from Vinny here and he says he done type two L oh car and put it on my big shop charger. It’s charging now just to ensure no glitches. I mean, what do you mean the battery doesn’t work? So then I get this thought, wait a minute, does this thing have tabs? Does it insured? It hasn’t been on the road in years and my passport’s expired. So the Canadians being the nice people, they are. Let me in the country.
So when you go back home, hand them, give them both of this. You might get sent in because you’re giving them an expired passport card. Just be aware. They may send you an immigration.
What do you say? We just go. Yeah, just go. It’s the adventure. Yeah. Should have taken the plates off of your car and stuck ’em on this car. That’s so much more illegal as the train rolls out from Toronto to Ottawa. I’m realizing Vinny never actually sent me a clear picture of the Cadillac. I’m starting to get a sinking feeling here. Vinny said he is going to pick us up at the train station in a limo, but he didn’t. What we got was Vinny pimp hat silver cane Fu Manchu Ruby ring on the right hand. His left arm contorted like a chicken wing. I’m here to get the limo. He sent the limo home.
No, not my limo guy.
I got a feeling this whole thing is going to end up me on the train all the way back. No, it’s
All Charlie. It’s all good.
It’s from Canada and Detroit. I never met him. We kind of met online during that whole Canadian trucker Covid deal. Vinny’s got lots to say about that.
The Library of Parliament that used to be the outside upper assist candidates building right over there and they suck everything out of your corner. That’s how they found out. Everybody was donating the convoy and everything.
In fact, I come to learn. Vinny’s got lots to say about almost anything.
They don’t teach the young kids English anymore. When my first lady went to school over there, they taught ’em English. See the one with this? This is a toony. One day my lady throws the credit card out at Irish Bayou out the Cadillac thing. So I pull over the caddy. It’s Crown Divine W, right? That runs his place. It was found and it wasn’t found on your rights, American rights. When I walked out the middle of the road, I put my Cam Brody’s face. He said, what are you doing? I said, same thing you were doing spying on people, but I’m just doing it closer up.
Doesn’t he ever stop
Talking?
This is actually a council of the Ro de France the king. I got a letter from him in here. The guy who would be king on Ray Dupan.
Turns out Vinny likes to be surrounded by Klo. Things that don’t work really well.
Come on in
His tiny apartment. Also does double duty as a podcast studio.
You’re going to see me. You’re going to swing it on me. Brian from
Walk V Presents. Take it away, Vinny
And a sort of carnival like museum. A Vinny show doesn’t have very many listeners.
Hello? Hello.
But it doesn’t matter because nothing can keep Vinny from talking.
And tonight we’re going to talk about your rights, why Canadians are taking it up the ass from the American from,
I’ve been in Canada over 24 hours now and I haven’t seen hiding their heritage fucking limousine. I’ve seen buses, I’ve seen trains, but I seen no limits. We got to take two buses for one hour and Vinny’s yapping the whole time and I’m starting to hear some clues.
Hello wan
Place. Okay, Vargas, I got the guys here and we’re going to be there as soon as I start the car. The, yeah, fire signs to put the hose on.
Put the mechanic.
Yeah. Is he there? No. Okay, well we’ll do it ourself. I don’t care. It’s not hard. We just got to screw the power steering line in.
Okay. Wait, wait. Alright, so the card is limo. How long is this limo
About the length of it’s a little bit longer than this FedEx truck.
How much does this car weigh?
It weighs 7,200 pounds.
And it doesn’t have power
Steering? No. Well, we can steer it Armstrong with two people. You could steer it going straight, but when you go around the corner, it takes two people to move
It all the way to Detroit. I get a headache then. It didn’t occur to you. Take it to the shop. Maybe like a
Month. I can’t sit. Look at me. Look, I would if I could. Nobody helped me.
Who? What about this guy? I
Don’t cry. He don’t eat.
Now this is Chad. He sort of appeared out of nowhere. He likes to blues brothers and dresses like one. He’s vinny’s unpaid gopher and Chad doesn’t know how to drive. Thank you.
Thank you.
It’s the Casa de Vinny. So you were a biker. You went to law school?
Yeah. I’ve got good and bad things in my life.
You might’ve murdered a
Guy. No, no, no. It’s not that bad.
You got a trophy wife, but she’s with her mother. Somehow you got a stretch limo in this.
Oh, I’ve got things, but I’m getting old and I don’t need half this shit. I got anymore. If I die, who’s it going to go to? My kid don’t want this stuff.
Oh, you’re dying. So you’re giving your stuff
Away. Well, I’m going to die pretty soon. Look at me, man.
This in the reality show business is what’s known as the big reveal. Vinny leads us into the bowels of a Dan and Digi basement of the parking garage. The limo is hiding in the far dark corner.
I got to find my key. Some damn gold plated keys. When you bought a new Fleetwood back in the day, they give you gold keys.
Vinny, that’s not a license plate.
This is just because See, somebody stole my plate. I’m just trying to find my flashlight here. The yard goes from the back. You got to get a TV though, because my cousin took the TV out. I need more people. It’ll go back.
Oh, you want to,
I’m just going to push it back a little bit
Up here.
See, it’s rolling. I need some more muscle power.
Hold on, it’s not rolling. Whoa, okay. Oh, it’s rolling. Yeah,
But I need more help. It’ll go back.
Oh, this is going to be a long,
Once it moves, it’s
Mo.
He wants it.
499 miles from home. What a butte. But you have to overlook a few things like a dead battery.
See the miles on it. Look.
Yeah, just turn on the lights.
I can’t because there’s no battery in it.
A powerless steering on a four ton car. A steering wheel is limp. Is a wet noodle.
Don’t worry about the wobble in the wheel. Ain’t going to. It’s just this tilt.
What?
It’s tight to turn and to go. It don’t hurt nothing.
Plug in window wipers.
When you want the windshield washer. Come on. You just plug it on right here. Okay.
It starts raining really bad. Yeah, you put that in and I pull over and then plug it in.
Yeah, you plug it in. There’s a tits to it right there.
The gaping pool of oil. The shellacked vinyl top. The spray painted rust.
See it turns boo. Once it’s clean. That’s just dust
Sitting in the No, I still see the brown there.
Yeah, a little bit.
See that there? Yeah. It’s not coming out. But hey, the lighter worked. He told me it’s blue book. It is blue. So if went upstairs to get the battery trickling on the charger in a screwdriver to take the plate off of another car, Byron and I discuss the options.
Listen man, it’s like this. I’m all for an adventure It. We’ve been across the Rio Grande, we’ve done a lot of stuff, right? I don’t even mind walking down the freeway, but I don’t know how I feel about getting in a car at the steering wheel shaking all over. It could just come off in your hands like a bad Bugs Bunny movie.
My neighbors be pissed off if this
Is in my
Driveway. Man, there’s that to think about. His wife decorated it nicely though. Yeah, we’re going to, how do we break it to the guy? Just have to tell him
This battery ain’t going to start the car because it’s weak. Man. I’m going to buy you a brand new battery.
Dude, I love you. I love the gesture. I’m taking the train back. I
Can go. You don’t want to take the car?
No, I don’t think so. You can sell that here, but I
I’m not interested in I give it to you because it’s a prop. I’ll drive the damn thing to Detroit myself. But
Yeah, I mean it’s not ready to go today. You know that? Yeah,
Yeah. Well, oh, it takes as a battery and hook up the hole. I can jump this one off. I’ll show you it runs. Let’s at least do that. Even if we don’t move it. I can show you this one runs, but I just got to start this one up to every time I go under here I bust my head. I think my gas is in the trunk. What are you doing? I’m starting this car up to start. Why?
Because
I got to jump this car to start this one. If you want to hear it run,
But I didn’t want to hear it run. I wanted to get on the train to Toronto. This whole adventure was coming off the rails.
It’ll crank it if I put that battery in and crank it with this, jump it with this car. It’ll start right up.
We don’t want you to do this.
Yeah, but I want to start the car to show you it runs. Hey then
Enough.
This is a hot Rod four 60. It’s got exhaust leak in the front, but it runs perfect. That one runs better. Get the jumper cables out the back of this Cadillac. Hold on, I got to get the keys to it. I got to get this key off of this thing and I got one fucking hand. Can you get these fucking keys off of this thing? I’m
Bleeding because I
Whacked my head off the phone. Okay, I’m sorry. Wait,
You hit the beam? Yeah, that little beam you just said before you hit the beam, you’re going to make me hit the beam. Come over here. Yeah, and I did and then he did. He said, I betcha I walk into the beam and I did and he did. Oh, Canada Binnie wants to convince. He’s going to convince me that it will start, which I came all this way.
What is he fucking doing man? I’m coming back.
Doing
Okay. Hot is red. Okay, let me try it.
Good. Engine
Runs perfect. Can I tell you
That’s
Water?
It dropping oil, bro. But it moves.
If it’s not water, it’s power steering foot.
Probably.
Yeah. I got to walk this down and we’ll take it to the garage. Okay.
Now remember this is a four ton car with no power steering. So Vinny sat in the front to lend me his one good arm and off we go to the mechanic. I’m having to fucking hurt
You. Yeah, that’s why you need a strong guy up here. Not me.
Just go straight up.
I’m telling you this would make it back. Once we hook up the thing. There’s runs like a fucking top buddy.
Oh, it’s smooth shifts.
It rides nicer in your 77 like
I told you. Oh, it doesn’t? No,
They’re 77 road nicer.
Yeah, your brakes are spongy in this too.
Yeah, well that’s nothing. They just ain’t been worked.
Well. It’s a 7,200 pound car, bro. Yeah,
It stops. Perfect. Okay. Just double park here beside these cars. Find a spot there to park.
I’m just going to let that run. Let that battery do what it’s going to do. The brakes were as soft as a fish belly. Turns out there wasn’t any brake fluid in the front cylinder.
No. It needs a little biting.
Sure does.
I got some in the trunk buddy. I got to pop the trunk to get it. I’m going to go down here and see this guy. Do it for us quicker.
That’s why there’s no brakes. Come down here, dude. So I added some fluid down. Here’s it. Good thing we were stalled near the mechanic shop because the brake line was dripping like a stabbing victim. If you’re going to have a limousine stretch limousine, an old one, you want it to be a little nicer than this. Like he said, you’re going to have it for a prop, I guess, right? I wanted to take it around the United States and use as my news truck. But I mean no 10 hours. No, we lost Vinny. Vinny left with our microphone and we needed it because we got to go get a train and no way to get there.
This is what VI does.
Does Vinnie always leave you standing on the side of the road?
A lot of times not on the side of the road standing beside a car, but a lot of times on Parliament he’ll go off to go somewhere and talk to somebody and I end up watching his equipment.
Ottawa, Toronto train. Today
They say Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. And that may be true, but in Detroit at least we prefer to drive our stretch limo with brakes and power steering. They also say the Canadians are more nice when they’re being mean than Americans are when they’re being nice. And it was really nice of Vinny to offer me the car. Very nice, but I didn’t feel bad about leaving it. And I won’t go home empty handed because I’ll go home with a kooky new friend, Ottawa Vinny, the motor mouthed freedom loving, OG.
